Apple loses its imagination and reverts to a chilling old tune

The holidays are hurtling toward us and we just can’t wait.

A little peace, a little joy, and a little jolt for our inner romantic associations with fragrant trees, gift-giving, and strained family harmony.

Naturally, big brands want to lurk over your positive feelings, wrapping their tentacles around your every impulse.

How do they do it? By releasing a holiday ad that makes you feel good all over. Or, perhaps, doesn’t.

I can’t help involuntarily groaning and yawning, you see, at Apple’s latest effort to get you into the holiday spirit.

Also: Don’t waste your money on these Apple products, December 2022 edition

Is it a witty homage to family life? Is it an appeal for togetherness? Is it a soaring exposition of Apple’s role in (what’s left of) the happy universe?

Goodness, no. Instead, it’s two young people dancing around and boring the local populace.

You may have seen Apple ads in which young people dance once or twice before. I feel it may have been far too many times. When Apple doesn’t have any idea what to do, it resorts to dance. Because who doesn’t like a twirl?

This time, we’re in Buenos Aires. It’s hot and our two young people are bored. Fortunately, one of them has a pair of AirPods Pro. These allow him to share music and, gosh, dance around.

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And what does their dancing do? It adds a Connecticut chill to the warm Buenos Aires summer.

You’d think the locals would be grateful. You’d also think Tim Cook is currently out and about choosing Elon Musk’s personal Christmas gift.

As the young people dance around and freeze cars, dogs, trucks, trash cans, skateboards, and your brain, the locals gaze down upon them and think: “I hope my agent sorted out a good fee for this stupid ad.”

I wonder, too, whether one or two parents, safety campaigners, and merely averagely concerned citizens might wonder whether the scene of our two dancers throwing themselves over a barrier — and many feet down toward a road — is the best-conceived notion of all time.

Oh, it’s just advertising and what does advertising matter?

This is Apple attempting to be, um, hip at Christmas. It’s hard when you’re an old brand that some might feel is ready for a hip replacement.

Also: Which is the best iPad for kids this holiday season?

“Share The Joy,” says Apple at the end of the ad. Yes, the joy of dancing around someone else’s neighborhood and causing pointless mayhem.

Perhaps that’s what you’ll be doing for your holidays too.

It’s certainly one way to annoy the family members you (don’t) really love.